Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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