Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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