Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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