she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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