Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
