I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
