hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
