New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
