I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
