you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
