Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
