Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
