Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
