Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
