hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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