My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
