1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
