i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
