PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
