please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
