Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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