Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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