i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
