The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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