Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
