hotel room ftw
420 ftw
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
