she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
