I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think my mom watched the whole time
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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