Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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