Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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