Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
