just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
