their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
