remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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