i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My vagina just clenched in fear
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
