I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
