so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
