he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
