why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
