My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
