Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
