im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
