i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
