he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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