How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
