the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
