I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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