No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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