i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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