WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
