You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
