covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
