beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
