I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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