I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
